<P><FONT face=Arial color=#000000><STRONG>You Know You're Italian When...</STRONG></FONT></P>
<P><FONT face=Arial color=#000000>- You're 5'4", can bench press 325 pounds, shave twice a day, but you still cry when your mother yells at you.</FONT></P>
<P><FONT face=Arial color=#000000>- Your father owns 5 houses, has $300,000 in the bank, but still drives a 76 Monte Carlo.</FONT></P>
<P><FONT face=Arial color=#000000>- You share a bathroom with your 5 brothers, have no money, but drive a $45,000 Camaro or Firebird.</FONT></P>
<P><FONT face=Arial color=#000000>- Your mechanic, plumber, electrician, accountant and travel agent are all blood relatives.</FONT></P>
<P><FONT face=Arial color=#000000>- You consider dunking a cannoli in an espresso a nutritious breakfast.</FONT></P>
<P><FONT face=Arial color=#000000>- Your 2 best friends are your cousin and your brother-in-law's brother-in-law.</FONT></P>
<P><FONT face=Arial color=#000000>- You are a card-carrying V.I.P at more than 3 strip clubs.</FONT></P>
<P><FONT face=Arial color=#000000>- Despite the hair on your back, you still try to impress the ladies by wearing your "Just do me" tank top to the beach.</FONT></P>
<P><FONT face=Arial color=#000000>- At least 5 of your cousins live on your street.</FONT></P>
<P><FONT face=Arial color=#000000>- All 5 of those cousins are named after your grandfather.</FONT></P>
<P><FONT face=Arial color=#000000>- A high school diploma and 1 year of Nassau Community College has earned you the title of "professor" among your aunts.</FONT></P>
<P><FONT face=Arial color=#000000>- You are on a first name basis with at least 8 banquet hall owners.</FONT></P>
<P><FONT face=Arial color=#000000>- If someone in your family grows beyond 5'6", it is presumed his mother had an affair.</FONT></P>
<P><FONT face=Arial color=#000000>- There were more than 28 people in your bridal party.</FONT></P>
<P><FONT face=Arial color=#000000>- You netted more than $50,000 on your first communion.</FONT></P>
<P><FONT face=Arial color=#000000>- At some point in your life, you were a D.J </FONT></P>
<P><FONT face=Arial color=#000000>- 30 years after immigrating, your parents still say "Pronto" when answering the phone.</FONT></P>
<P><FONT face=Arial color=#000000>- You have ever been in a fight defending Sly Stallone's thespian greatness.</FONT></P>
<P><FONT face=Arial color=#000000>- Somewhere on your parents' property, there is a bathtub Madonna.</FONT></P>
<P><FONT face=Arial color=#000000>- You build your house with 3 materials.... brick, brick and wrought iron.</FONT></P>
<P><FONT face=Arial color=#000000>- You have at least one sister that went to Beauty School.</FONT></P>
<P><FONT face=Arial color=#000000>- Clothes from the Chess King will actually fit you.</FONT></P>
<P><FONT face=Arial color=#000000>- It is impossible for you to talk with your hands in your pockets.</FONT></P>
<P><FONT face=Arial color=#000000>- Have been to a funeral where talk of the deceased is, "He shoulda kept his big yap shut."</FONT></P>
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