<P><STRONG>What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?</STRONG><BR>Juan on Juan.</P>
<P><STRONG>What is a Yankee?</STRONG><BR>The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.</P>
<P><STRONG>What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover?</STRONG><BR>The position of the dirt bag.</P>
<P><STRONG>Why is divorce so expensive?</STRONG><BR>Because it's worth it.</P>
<P><STRONG>What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over?</STRONG><BR>Doughnuts.</P>
<P><STRONG>Why is air a lot like sex?</STRONG><BR>Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any.</P>
<P><STRONG>Why is Chelsea Clinton so homely?</STRONG><BR>Because Janet Reno is her real father.</P>
<P><STRONG>What do you get when you put 50 lesbians and 50 politicians in a room together?</STRONG><BR>100 people who don't do dick.</P>
<P><STRONG><FONT color=#ff0000>SOMETHING TO OFFEND EVERYONE PART II (JUST WARMING UP!)</FONT></STRONG></P>
<P><STRONG>What do you call a smart blonde?</STRONG><BR>A golden retriever.</P>
<P><STRONG>What do attorneys use for birth control?</STRONG><BR>Their personalities.</P>
<P><STRONG>What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife?</STRONG><BR>45 lbs.</P>
<P><STRONG>What's the fastest way to a man's heart?</STRONG><BR>Through his chest with a sharp knife.</P>
<P><STRONG>Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?</STRONG><BR>Because those men already have boyfriends.</P>
<P><STRONG>What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?</STRONG><BR>After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.</P>
<P><STRONG>What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?</STRONG><BR>The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.</P>
<P><STRONG>A brunette, a blonde, and a redhead are all in third grade. Who has the biggest boobs?<BR></STRONG>The blonde, because she's 18.</P>
<P><STRONG>Why don't bunnies make noise when they have sex?</STRONG><BR>Because they have cotton balls.</P>
<P><STRONG>What's the difference between a porcupine and BMW?<BR></STRONG>A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.</P>
<P><STRONG>What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?<BR></STRONG>Are you sure it's mine?"</P>
<P><STRONG>What's the difference between Beer Nuts and Deer Nuts?</STRONG><BR>Beer Nuts are $1, and Deer Nuts are always under a buck.</P>
<P><STRONG>Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?</STRONG><BR>Mace will do that to you.</P>
<P><STRONG>Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?</STRONG><BR>Breasts don't have eyes.</P>
<P><STRONG>Did you hear about the dyslexic Rabbi?</STRONG><BR>He walks around saying "Yo."</P>
<P><STRONG>Why do drivers' education classes in Redneck schools use the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?<BR></STRONG>Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.</P>
<P><STRONG><FONT color=#ff0000>SOMETHING TO OFFEND EVERYONE, PART III (Just Great Stuff)</FONT></STRONG></P>
<P><STRONG>What's the Cuban National Anthem?</STRONG><BR>"Row, Row, Row Your Boat"</P>
<P><STRONG>Where does an Irish family go on vacation?</STRONG><BR>A different bar.</P>
<P><STRONG>What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?</STRONG><BR>A speech impediment.</P>
<P><STRONG>What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at half-mast?</STRONG><BR>They're hiring.</P>
<P><STRONG>What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?</STRONG><BR>A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage along with... "a recipe".</P>
<P><STRONG>How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F... word?</STRONG><BR>Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!</P>
<P><STRONG>What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale?</STRONG><BR>A Northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time..." A southern fairytale begins "Y'all ain't gonna believe this shit..."</P>
<P><STRONG>Why is there no Disneyland in China?</STRONG><BR>No one's tall enough to go on the good rides</P>
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